How I Hate Pictures!

You won’t find pictures of me at my heaviest, close to 400 pounds, because I was too embarrassed to be seen.  Now that I know I have lipedema, I’m a bit more courageous about having my picture taken as I chronicle my journey through lipedema therapy.  

People who understand what lipedema looks like would spot it right away.  See how much bigger my hips are than my shoulders?  My legs are massive.  You can’t see my lower legs and ankles, but they are huge, too.  The fat stops at my ankles, creating a huge cuff that hangs over my foot.  That’s one of the signs of lipedema.

You can see the swelling moving up into my arms. My hands aren’t puffy, though. Like with my ankles, the swelling stops at my wrist. I’m all out of proportion, no matter where you look.

Chris would have to sneak pictures of me, like this one. My body might be exposed, but my face is hidden. There is so much shame in being fat. People judge you and call you names.

The problem with getting so big is that you can’t move as well any more. Your joints get flooded with fluid, and your knees quit bending. The stiffer they get, the harder it is to walk, and the less exercise you get. The less exercise you get, the bigger you get. The more you weigh, the harder it is to stand, or to find a chair wide enough to sit in. It changes your life in so many ways.

I wish I had a picture of me before I started compression therapy. The changes are remarkable. My lower legs look like they belong to a real person. I’m losing volume everywhere that has had therapy.

I’m going to start a page just for pictures. I’m a photographer, and I’m going to use my passion for pictures to document what lipedema looks like and how I’m changing as I go through physical therapy.

These won’t be the beautiful pictures of flowers that I’m known for. They will often be painful for me to share. I want to share them to help me get over the shame and to help you know that you aren’t alone. There are other bodies like ours, and if we help each other heal we can create beautiful pictures together.

These won’t be the beautiful pictures of flowers that I’m known for.

They will often be painful for me to share. I want to share them to help me get over the shame and to help you know that you aren’t alone. There are other bodies like ours, and if we help each other heal we can create beautiful pictures together.

21 comments

    1. Chris has been a gem through all of this. Managing my therapy and gear takes us at least a couple hours a day or more. Sometimes it is exhausting, but I’m feeling so much better and able to move again, I’ve also been able to lose weight (over 40 lbs) since September. Thanks Tish for all your support as well.

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    1. A woman I grew up with was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in her mid fifties- sharing her challenges, her exercise routines (boxing) has not only helped her, but offered so much to others too. You should think about it.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. This is a rarely diagnosed disease and it carries so many stigma with it. I want to reach out to others so we aren’t so alone, Thanks so much for your support and comment πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

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  1. Cee, you are a brave woman. I can see beauty inside as I look at the many flower and dog pictures you have taken. You are not alone in this. I am proud of you taking the courage to work through this, and thankfully, with the faithful support of Chris. I believe many will find this resource site and stand together from strength to strength!

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